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Dating Someone Who Blows Hot & Cold? By Alpa Saujani

The dating game is full of fun and games, some welcomed and some not. One falling into the latter is dating someone who blows hot & cold. One minute they're all over you (metaphorically speaking of course!) and the next, radio silence. If you really like the person in question, chances are (particularly if you're a woman) you'll ruminate and 'over analyse' everything you've said and done but the truth is that it has nothing to do with you. It's all about him/her. The sooner you recognise and accept this, the quicker you empower yourself in the situation and here's why:

He/She Does Not Know What They Want - Uncertain about whether they want to be in a relationship, they display a yoyo type of behaviour, whilst trying to figure it out, albeit unfairly at the cost of someone else's time and emotions. Why would anyone want to stick around and endure this type of selfish behaviour? There are plenty of single people out there, proactively using dating services like events and personal matchmaking who do want to be in a relationship - next please!

Push/Pull Junkie - Having ascertained that the other person is interested and supposedly 'in the bag' they stop making a concerted effort until they feel the other person pulling away. He/she enjoys the high of the 'pull', effectively the chase, but not necessarily the relationship itself and consistently manipulates the situation to create these opportunities. However, when you lead a busy life and you're keen to meet someone special, seriously who has time to entertain someone more interested in playing games than playing house?

Fear Of Getting Hurt - This may surprise you but some people blow hot and cold because they fear getting hurt. In a bizarre way, he/she believes that by behaving in this manner, they are controlling the situation, hence their emotions, thereby eliminating the risk of getting their heart broken. However, this is no way to build, or sustain a healthy relationship. The person in question clearly has some emotional issues that they, not you, need to deal with. Stick around and you're likely to get caught in the crossfire.

They Are Disingenuous - Putting yourself out there in the dating world to meet someone, means being vulnerable, open and honest. This takes courage and sincerity, characteristics lacked by the hot & cold dater, who instead favours ego, control and manipulation. Do these sound like the type of traits that you would list in the seeking section of your online profile? I didn't think so, cheque please!

He/She Is Waiting For Someone Better To Come Along - It's harsh but true that whilst they may like you, he/she is just not that romantically into you. They are filling in time/void until someone better (in their eyes) comes along. Once you switch onto this, there really is no reason to be a part of their charade, you deserve better.

Finding real love is all about taking risks and relinquishing control. Furthermore, dating should be an enjoyable experience but along the way, you will meet the good, bad and the ugly. What's important is not to compromise your standards just because you like someone, or get caught up in their insecurities. If you don't throw the ball, there's no game to be played. When someone is not consistently investing quality time & energy into you, he/she is not the right match. Granted, it can be challenging when the heart wants to rule the head but just remember actions speak louder than words and 'technically', you can't lose something that you never really had in the first place...



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Comments

As a guy, admittedly I did behave like this in my younger days and regrettably I did let a few nice ladies get away. I was always trying to chase the next best thing but as they say hindsight is a wonderful thing!
An interesting read, which had me nodding in agreement all the way thru. I certainly have found myself in this situation in the past. It's frustrating, so now my motto is that if a guy wants to play school boy games, he can go play by himself. I am more interested in engaging with real men!
 

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