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Top 10 Love Lessons Going into 2015 By Alpa Saujani

Happy New Year! I hope this year brings you all of your hearts desires. The dawn of a New Year puts many in a reflective mood; what was learnt, or achieved in the last year and setting new goals for the coming year. If somewhere on that list, your love life is featured, here are some insights into the commonalities shared amongst the people whom have been successful at Tantric Club, both at Asian dating events and the personal matchmaking service, which I have observed over the last 10 years:

1) Surrender - having exhausted a number of avenues including Asian dating websites, Asian speedating, family introductions etc they are willing to surrender their ideals from physical appearances to specific occupations. They will keep an open-mind as they recognise if they keep chasing the same ideals (which have not delivered thus far), they are only going to keep on getting the same results.

2) Seize the moment - one day or someday simply do not exist on their calendar, they take the bull by the horns and are proactive in their search, here and now. They are independent and do not wait for their friends buy-in or availability to use Asian dating services, they just put themselves out there!

3) Responsibility - they will take responsibility for their love life rather than blame others for their lack of success. When they are not getting their desired results, they look inwards and ask questions like "What can I do differently? Are my expectations realistic? Do I need to change something to become more attractive to the type of person that I am attracted to?"

4) Positive - they exude positivity from their attitude to their mindset. In turn, people naturally gravitate towards them. They make the best out of any situation, whether they are at a dating event, or on a date, rather than being negative and judgemental. Anyone familiar with the laws of attraction knows that like attracts like.

5) Decorum - the perfect lady, or gentleman, they have good manners. They treat everyone who they interact with on the dating circuit with respect and courtesy, regardless of attraction, class or creed.

6) Self-awareness - they 'keep it real' and fish in a realistic dating pool based on what they can bring to a relationship and what they can expect in return.

7) Open to feedback - no one is perfect and often it's the small tweaks that can spell the difference between success and failure. These individuals recognise this, park their egos aside and are open to listening to feedback from their dates and third parties and acting accordingly.

8) Confidence - they are confident within themselves and what they can bring to a relationship, without being aggressive, or arrogant.

9) Sincerity - oozing sincerity, what you see is what you get and they interact with everyone in a genuine manner, no game playing, or hidden agendas.

10) Persevere - they do not give up. They accept that rejection is a healthy part of the dating game. If someone is not interested in dating, or being in a relationship, they're ok with this. They take the view that this person cannot give them what they want & need from a relationship, so it's better to move on quickly to find someone who can, rather than wallow in self-pity and taking it personally.

Perhaps some, or all of us this resonates with you, either way it's certainly food for thought and may help you towards getting different results this year. I wish you all the best on your quest to find love in 2015.

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Dear Inquisitive Nature

Thank you for your feedback. No there is a big difference between settling and surrending. Let's say you have been holding out for someone who looks like Angelina Joile for 10 years, it has not happened. So now you decide that you are willing to explore women who have a different type of look to see if you are attracted to them. Unless you consciously make that decision, a shift in mindset will not take place and you will not be open to other types of women. Is that settling? No, it is not because ultimately you are not going to be with someone that you are not attracted to but she just may look different from what you imagined. In other words, there is no point in saying I only like chocolate ice-cream when you have never tasted the array of the other flavours.
Alpa, great blog! I agree with a lot of the items. However, do you view surrendering in the same light as settling? I believe you stay true to what you're looking for in your partner in order to obtain happiness.


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