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Stashing - How To Avoid It by James Preece

If you're unsure what the term "stashing" means, it's exactly what it sounds like.

In the world of Asian dating, it refers to someone keeping you an almost secret. You're dating someone, but it feels a little off. You haven't met any family members or friends. You've never been to an office party or met co-workers. You don't go to places where you're likely to run into anyone mentioned above. Every time you go out, it seems to be out of the way or weird hours. Generally, this means you're being stashed. This happens when an individual isn't sure about their relationship with you. Because of this, they avoid introducing you to anyone important. They will keep you around just in case they get lonely, or something falls through with someone else.

You don't necessarily have to be dating either! You can just be friends with a chance of interest to get stashed away as a potential romance. It's a pretty common thing in the new world of dating. That doesn't make it any more enjoyable for you. It feels like waiting around for the chance at dating someone. It feels like you're second best. No one should feel that way. Dating should be a pleasant (though nerve-wracking) experience. You should slowly get to know the important people and go to places where everyone knows your date. After all, haven't you introduced them to everyone important to you?

There's no real way to prevent being stashed. If you feel like someone is stashing you away the best thing you can do is call them out. Ask your date why you haven't met anyone yet. Ask them if the two of you can go somewhere more common on a date. If they seem hesitant, there are two reasons:

1. They are stashing you.
2. They are nervous.

Stashing isn't the only reason someone would avoid introducing you to others. It could be that they are nervous. They could have judgmental friends and family and they are worried that these people might offend you. You'll meet them when the relationship gets more serious, but not right away. Another reason for nerves could be the fear of the relationship not working out. If that is what your date says the reason is, be trusting. Ask your date to gradually introduce you to someone, even just a clerk at a store he/she frequents. This way, you won't feel like you're being stashed anymore. You'll feel like you're gradually getting involved.

If you date is stashing you, there's a chance they won't give you any straight answers. They'll ignore the direct questions, likely answering in random replies. If that's the case, break it off. You don't need to wait around for someone who isn't that serious about you. There are plenty of fish in the sea and it's time you swim to another shore. When you break things off, make sure you let them know they aren't welcome to get in contact unless they decide to be serious about you. It's your call whether or not to cut them out completely or simply start seeing someone else. It's just important that you know your own worth.

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