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Multi-dating: Love It or Loathe It? By Alpa Saujani


When it comes to the dating world, there are many things that you'll love and there's just as many that you'll loathe. Either way, in order to stay in the game, you've got to be prepared to play. For some people one of these things is multi-dating. It certainly is like marmite, if you're 'old skool' it probably makes your stomach churn but multi-dating is part of the smart dater's strategy and here's why...

It enables you to make smart choices. When you 're dating 2/3 people at the same time, whilst you may like one person more than the other, it does not mean that this person is right for you. As you get to know each person, it's the one who consistently, over a period of time, makes the effort by backing up their words with actions who will be right for you and ultimately win your heart.

It prevents you from prematurely thinking that the person you're dating is the 'one'. Have you ever met someone and got carried away with the excitement? There's good banter, full on attraction & chemistry, so the next thing you do is cut off every other person that you're talking to, miss a pre-booked singles event and cancel all your future dates. Then after a few dates, things go a bit quiet. There's no date in sight and it feels like they are more interested in being a 'text pal' rather than in a relationship, leaving you feeling disappointed. However, when you're dating a few people at the same time, you're not as a disappointed as it's easier to keep perspective and drop this person to focus on those who are paying you attention, rather than playing games.           

Eliminates dating anxiety. So you've been out a few times and you really like that Gal/Guy but with that comes anxiety. You start over thinking everything from how to reply correctly to a text, to what's the right time to ask for another date without looking too keen, rather than just going with a natural flow. It's not surprising to behave like this, after all, all your eggs are in one basket so you're scared of messing things up. However, when your eggs are shared out, so is your attention, you don't sweat the small stuff and nor do you have time for anxiety.  

You maintain your standards. It's easy to let your guard down and tolerate things that you normally wouldn't when you really like someone, women are notorious for doing this! But when you're multi-dating, the risk of this happening is significantly reduced. If someone isn't treating you right, or something is off, it's apparent quickly. You're less likely to put up with it because you're dating others who are treating you well and cutting this person out is not a heart wrenching task.

It gives you a better sense of what you want from a partner. When you're multi-dating you learn more about what you want and need in a relationship. Each person that you are dating will be bringing something different to the table. This allows you to gain great insights and solidify what's really important to you in a relationship and in a partner.
It keeps you on your toes.

There is no room for complacency! When it comes to multi-dating, if you're not delivering, you've got no chance of winning the prize!  

Love it, or loathe it multi-dating is a smart strategy to finding your life partner whilst minimising heartache and making sound choices. The process begins like the start of a team assault course. Along the way people will join in, drop out but most importantly it's about finding the one with whom you can make it to the finish line, whilst successfully negotiating the different obstacles along the way...



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Comments

This article really resonates with me. I have recently met a guy whom I really like but I believe he is also dating/talking to other woman and consequently so am I and I will do so unless we officially become gf/bf. Changing the way that I have dated previously, one at a time, has helped me to keep grounded during the 'assault course!'
Wow! What an interesting article and I think you're absolutely right, the number of times I have put my eggs into one basket, I've almost always got burnt. I do now multi-date and if he is not investing his efforts in me, I'm not investing mine.
 

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