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Dating Without Momentum: Is there Any Point? By Alpa Saujani

We all lead such busy lives; often it's challenging trying to juggle work, family, friends and personal interests. However, when you're serious about settling down, without making adjustments to these existing commitments, it's difficult to have the time, energy, or room for that special someone in your life. This is so evident in situations where you have a great first date, or couple of dates and then the ball is dropped. Organising busy diaries for the next date is a nightmare, or you're tired from your other commitments so the energy, or inclination to purse that person wanes. Consequently, the whole dating episode loses momentum and you also potentially lose out on someone who could have been an amazing life partner.

Having a busy and fulfilling life, can be a 'turn on' for someone who wants to date you. It shows that you're independent, interesting and living life to the full. However, this quickly becomes a 'turn off' when you keep saying no for dates, or delay meeting up because you don't have space in your diary. More often than not, the other person will eventually lose interest and move on. Commonly, in this type of situation, the other person starts dating someone who is available, whilst you're still trying to sort out your diary. Once you do manage to find a date, that person is no longer keen to pursue things and you wonder what happened... You placate yourself by justifying the situation to be their fault, as you can't help being a busy professional. Hmmmm!

When it comes to dating, sure no one wants to look desperate, however there's a big difference between playing it cool and being blasé. Momentum is often lost by leaving long gaps between dates. When this happens, you potentially forget what attracted you to that person in the first place. You also risk that sizzling chemistry fizzling out. More often than not, you will also end up having similar conversations and asking the same questions again, as it's been a while. Given that the objective of dating is to spend quality time getting to know someone, if you can't get past the same old and superficial conversations, the whole thing then arguably becomes a redundant exercise.

Perhaps this lackadaisical attitude towards dating is fuelled by the abundance of online dating sites, dating apps, Asian matchmaking services, Asian singles events and the like, which arguably give singletons a false sense of opportunities. However, if you've been in the dating game long enough, you ought to know how challenging it is to meet someone:

a) That you find attractive
b) Share some chemistry and connection, and
c) Can converse with about a variety of subjects.

Arguably, it's only a fool that loses momentum, when all three of these boxes are ticked!

Nevertheless, when all is said and done, no matter how great the first date, or couple of dates panned out, it does take two people to make an effort to keep the momentum going:

  • After the first date, you should try to organise and meet up within a week.
  • Keep in contact in between dates with text messages/whatsapp, so when you do meet up again, it's an easy and warm connection. Please note, you should respond back to messages in a reasonable time and not play games.
  • If after the first few dates, you decide that you will continue dating one another, then you should be meeting up at least once a week.
  • Intentionally plan your diary to make time for dates.
  • Note that there's a difference between sustaining momentum and fast-tracking a relationship. The former is about being consistent, whilst the latter is about going from 0 to 60 mph in seconds.
  • Most things in life that are worth having, require some effort on your part...

If you're still not sure what all the fuss is about with momentum, just answer this - Would you go to the effort to generate a sales lead, if you had no intention of making an effort to close the business?

Happy Momentum Dating!

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Amen to that! I am serious about meeting someone and it really bugs me when guys do this, it is so frustrating. Why do they say that they are seeking a serious relationship on their profile but then don't make much effort on following up on dates!


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