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How to ask for a number and how to say no politely

Have you ever been to an Asian Dating event where someone has asked you for your number and you’ve given them the incorrect digits? Or perhaps you have given out your number and subsequently avoided texts and phone calls because you were not interested and you simply did not know how to say no? We’re all adults now and recognise that rejection is part of the dating process. But what eases the blow for the recipient when there is no interest, is actually communicating the ‘non-interest’ and the manner in which it is delivered. Conversely, you can ask for someone’s number and deliver the question in a way, which makes it less awkward for that person to say no. So here’s our quick guide on how to ask for someone’s number at an event, or to say no politely?

When it comes to dating events, the majority of the time it will be the man asking a woman for her number. Before you even attempt to ask for her number, it’s important to try and read her body language and gauge her level of interest.

Signs that she’s interested include:

  • eye contact
  • her body is facing towards you
  • engaging two-way conversation where she may be slightly animated
  • smiling/laughing
  • innocent physical contact like a tap on the arm or shoulder.

You probably get the gist but these are just some popular examples.

Signs that she may not be interested in you, include:

  • her eyes scanning the room whilst you are talking
  • monosyllabic answers to your questions
  • her body posture is facing away from you
  • she invites someone over to join your conversation
  • she makes an excuse about going to the ladies, or checking on her friend.

 Again, just some common signs to look out for. Of course each interaction is different and you also need to go with your own intuition.

If you do get a sense that she is interested, or even if you’re not sure, it’s still a good idea to ask the question with a pre-empted opt out. This allows her to say no without feeling obligated because let’s face it, you don’t want to wait for the text or call that will never come, and it makes the whole situation less awkward. Just to give you some examples:

  • “It would be great to meet for a coffee sometime, or may be I’ll see you at the next event?”
  • “Not sure what your diary’s like in the next week or so, but if you have a free evening would you like to catch up over a drink? But if you’re busy then perhaps I’ll see you around?” 

She now has the option to accept the coffee or drinks invitation if she is interested, or simply say that she’s too busy and she’ll see you at the next event.

You could base the question around something you have been discussing and invite her to do something related to it, so for example if you were talking about food or films...

  • “You know X restaurant does the best Thai Green Curry, we could go there in the next couple of weeks, of course if you’re too busy I understand?
  • X movie is out next week in fact, if you fancy going? Unless you’ve already planned to see it with friends?

The fall back of being busy, or having made plans with friends is readily available to her, if she’s not interested. Should she opt for the fall back, to keep the situation cordial, simply try to smile and say no problem and politely move on. Do not be too hard on her, or yourself. Remember, it’s better to have tried and failed, than not to have tried at all. And what’s more, it is better not to have false hope and waste your time & energy!

How to ask for her number

The reality is that it does take courage from a guy, or a gal to ask for your number and you should always be mindful of this. If you are not interested, there are a number of ways in which you can let someone down politely:

  • Seek the opt-out, if there is one available as per the examples above.
  • “Thank you for asking, maybe I’ll see you at the next event”.
  • “I’m really sorry but I wouldn’t want to mislead you, thanks for asking”.
  • “Thanks for asking, it’s been nice talking to you but it just hasn’t clicked for me, sorry”.
  • “Thank you for the compliment, I’m flattered but I do not wish to pursue things, sorry”.

If it is in a crowd and you feel really awkward, you could suggest exchanging email addresses and then follow-up by email to let them down gently.  Use this as a last option, as it is better to be honest face-to-face. There is also never any reason for you to be impolite, or disrespectful to someone in your ‘non-interest’ response. For some people, it really does take a lot of guts to ask someone for their number. If you are curt with your response, you could actually adversely affect this person’s self-esteem, albeit unintentionally.

So the next time you’re at an Asian Dating event, try to gauge someone’s interest before asking for their number, use the pre-opt out ways to ask for a number and let someone down politely & gently if you’re not interested, rather than giving them false hope. If you’re ever in doubt, treat someone in the same way that you would like to be treated, if you were in their shoes...



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Comments

Thanks! That was insightful and some great tips, which often you are already aware of but forget in the moment!
That's a good article, let's hope people read it before signing up to an event!
Hiya,

Have just read through this and I like it a lot! Made for very interesting reading and I learnt quite a bit from it!
 

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