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Fifty Shades of Grey: What's the attraction?

Recently, a couple of male friends and Tantric Club male members asked me whether I had read Fifty Shades of Grey. The one thing that they all had in common, was a curious undertone as to whether the book was as explicit as inferred by the media hype. Without giving too much away, I jokingly suggested that they read it as it would have some great learning points. Not surprisingly, my comments were met with a nervous laughter and probably bred an urge to place an express delivery on Amazon! Yes, I know that’s cheeky, to repent I decided to tell all.

For the benefit of those who have not read the book, here’s a quick overview without spoiling the plot. Fifty Shades of Grey centres around the story of a young woman, Anastasia Steele, who is wooed by Christian Grey, a successful entrepreneur. The trilogy follows their liaison from inception as it unfolds from a dominatrix & submissive relationship, to a blossoming romance. However, it’s far from an easy, or conventional journey.

So what exactly is so great about this story? The natural conclusion (especially if you‘ve not read the books) would be because of the finely articulated details of tender love making to full-blown BDSM. Yes, it is true that sex does sell. However, whilst it certainly plays a part, in my opinion the addiction to Fifty Shades is that it feeds into much more than woman’s physical fantasy world.

There's a real intensity about their union, they just cannot seem to get enough of one another and given sales of 5.3 million in the UK to-date, nor could we! Christian Grey makes Anastasia Steele feel like an exceptionally special woman who belongs only to him. Chivalrous, spontaneous and thoughtful, Christian willingly works at the relationship despite their numerous challenges, rather than walk away when the going gets tough. Emotionally, he is a closed book but gradually opens up as Anastasia helps him to work through his issues to recognise that successful relationships are built on honesty, communication and compromise, not just great sex. Like some men, Christian does not rate romance highly. He eventually succumbs and buys into the notion of what he terms as ‘hearts and flowers’ as he recognises the importance of this to the woman that he loves.

Mr Grey does have his flaws. At times he‘s overbearing, jealous and displays stalker like tendencies. Nevertheless, as part of the package, Christian manages to pull it off as a man utterly besotted with his woman that he would go to any lengths to protect and keep her safe. Whilst Anastasia protests that she is a grown up woman capable of looking after herself, secretly she relishes that the man of her dreams wants to rescue her and interprets his behaviour as a display of his love and affection. Consequently, Christian often turns up when she actually needs him the most, without being asked - her true knight in shining armour.

For the most part, Christian does take the lead in the bedroom. He showers Anastasia with compliments making her feel like a sexy and desirable woman, who in turn then wants to please her man. There’s a real electrifying spark between them because Christian understands the art of seduction; a generous lover he knows the importance of ‘lady’s first’ and certainly reaps his just rewards. Despite his BDSM fetishes, Christian respects Anastasia’s boundaries and ensures that it is still an equally enjoyable experience for her. Their physical chemistry continues to grow stronger because they openly communicate their likes, dislikes and are willing to be adventurous, leaving no room for laziness and complacency in the bedroom.

The icing on the cake is that Christian is in fact a billionaire. Amongst many things, he flies Anastasia around in his helicopter and has the means to run out and buy her an Audi R8, after she makes a comment in jest. But Anastasia is no gold digger. His wealth makes her feel very uncomfortable to the point that she tries to return his expensive gifts and makes a conscientious effort to retain her independence and career. Her attraction to Christian is simply to do with the way he makes her feel - his entire world.

As you can now tell there is much more to Fifty Shades than BDSM. The addiction of this trilogy is about the package – mental, physical and emotional. It feeds into what many women ideally desire from their man and captures many feelings that women want to experience within their relationship. Numerous modern day women, despite how independent and successful they are, want to be wooed and swept off their feet. They want the ‘hearts and flowers’ romance and to be adored by their partner. They want to feel protected, secure in the knowledge that their man can look after them, and they can safely relinquish control; letting a woman be a woman and a man be a man. When it comes to intimacy, a woman wants her man to be attentive, adventurous and in control, whilst making her feel desirable. I guess until Mr Right comes along, it's all about Mr Grey...

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As I read through your article, it was spot on about the way that I felt
when I read the books. As a woman I want to feel desirable, attractive
and have excitement in a relationship. Don't get me wrong, I know that
it can't always be like that but every now and then I think it's important. Having
been in long term relationships, it's so easy to become complacent.
@SC - I agree with you, deep down every woman wants a Mr Grey. I know I do. Maybe 'feminism' doesn't quite cut it when it comes to matters of the heart!
Hi Alpa 

Just wanted to say I really enjoy reading your articles-very witty. This fifty shades of grey one is exceptionally interesting and relevant. You're totally correct - single independent successful women still want to feel cherished, cared for and desirable.



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