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Dealing with The Ex-Factor @ Asian Dating Events by Alpa Saujani

If you're on the Asian Dating Events circuit, the reality is that at some point there's a good chance that you will bump into someone whom you've rejected online, been on a date/few dates, or even had some type of relationship. Like anything in life, we cannot control a situation, or how a person is going to behave but we can control how we choose to respond...

Do not miss out: Firstly, don't let the fear of potentially bumping into a past date, or an ex put you off from attending Asian Dating Events. Remember, we're all adults not kids in a playground and at the end of the day the only person who will miss out is you.

Do not hide: You have nothing to be ashamed off by being at the event, remember your ex is also there for the same reason – to meet someone. Depending on how brave you feel, going over and saying hello will break the ice & dissipate some of the awkwardness. You can then simply move on, try to relax and enjoy the rest of the event, rather than panicking and potentially blowing the situation out of proportion.

Do not leave the event: Whilst it may be tempting to run for the hills when you spot your ex at an event, what exactly will you gain by doing this? Answers on a postcard please because I can tell you what you stand to lose, the money and time you invested getting to this event but more importantly the opportunity to meet someone special. Why would you want to give someone from your past this kind of importance in your present life? If you have an emotional/physical reaction to spotting your ex, step outside of the event for 10 minutes. If you have come along with a friend, ask them to come outside with you to give you some moral support and help you to gain perspective. If you have come alone, telephone a trusted and supportive friend. Once you feel a bit better, go back into the event and keep yourself busy socialising with others.

Do not let it dampen your mood: Various researches cite that body language accounts for at least 70 to 93% of non-verbal communication. If you let your ex's presence get to you, you're going to be emitting the wrong signals to potential prospects. The best way to change your emotions quickly is to simply smile. Test this out now, try smiling and feeling sad at the same time. It's near impossible. Depending on the event, you may be able to avoid them. Remember, there's also a good chance that they too are feeling a bit awkward and will also try to stay out of your way.

Do not be rude, or argumentative: Your break-up may have been messy, he or she may not have called you back, or you may not have had closure. As tempting as it may be, do not confront them. An Asian Dating Event is not the right time, or place. If you come face-to-face with you ex due to the activity at the event, or because youre at an Asian speed dating event, act with dignity. Just think to yourself, why would you want to give an ex the satisfaction of knowing that they still have an impact on you. If they mention your relationship, shut it down by saying something like ‘that's all in the past, so how are you finding this event?' Try to be pleasant and make non-personal small talk. Even if there are a few awkward silences, it's not the end of the world; after all you're not there to get a date with them.

Do not spread lies, or gossip amongst the event attendees: If your ex hurt you, you may want to lash out and spoil their chances at the event. By warning off other women, or men about your ex can often come across as bitter and vindictive. Whilst people always enjoy a bit of ‘gossip & drama' once all is said and done, you will not be perceived as an ‘attractive catch' to the attendees that you're trying to impress. If you have a genuine reason that you believe that your ex should not be at an event, you should immediately advise the event organiser, who will then proceed discreetly and appropriately to the situation.

Bumping into someone that you have previously dated, or had a relationship with, can be an awkward and challenging experience but it's certainly not worth sabotaging your own future dating opportunities. Life throws up all kinds of experiences but if we ran away and hid every time something challenging cropped up, where would be? Often, when we are dealing with our emotions, we can lose perspective and make things much bigger and important than they need be. Exes are a part of the mix when you're in the Asian Dating game. The biggest step to moving on is accepting that it is over and it did not work out. Ultimately, it is up to you whether you're going to let your past dictate your future...

I will leave with you a quote that I recently read:

 "Yesterday is not ours to recover, but tomorrow is ours to win or lose".
- Lyndon B. Johnson

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Thanks for addressing this, I have learnt over the years that it is as awkward as you let it be. Personally, I find it easier just to go up to the person, say hello and then I can just get on with it.


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